Enough Is Enough He Is Going To Get It!

know its been a while since I lasted posted but hell....I'm a busy woman lol.. Ok I know you all remember why I started posting in the first place because of my little one who is now 1 years old but at the time I started posting he was 9 months old and he has never slept more than 3 hours at a time. This is how this all started when he was born he was been breast feed and bottle feed in the hospital until my milk fully came in then he left the hospital and I came back due to complications, so he was at home with my wife Michelle being bottle feed because of all the med's I was on I couldn't give him pumped breast milk. But he was sleeping 4 & 5 hours which was good but as soon as I got home I stated breast feeding him every hour & 45 minutest no that's not what I wanted that's how he stated eating and instead of my dum ass stopping him I continued to due so because I thought breast feed babies eat that much for the first weeks but that created a need for me all the time so he relied on me to always comfort him down to sleep he never really learned how to fall asleep on his own because I was always there patting him down or rocking him or what ever. BUT KNOW THAT SHIT IS OVER... I'm taking off the gloves and I started letting him learn to put his self down at night and this is hard ladies I feel like I'm letting him down or abandoning him. My wife keeps saying that its time and we are the ones suffering which is true I have memory lost because of my sleep deprivation on a average of sleep I would only get 4hours in the whole time he has been born excluding my wife off days then I would sleep but no more than 5 hours because my body had adjusted to this sleep time and the worst part is the four hours wasn't always consecutive. But no more I have to do this because me and my wife had started arguing over every little thing in the world like if she sneezed I would say you are sneezing to dam loud & u are going to wake Dylan yes it got that serious because we were both tried from this baby not sleeping. But ladies I'm doing it because I'm exhausted with this shit I'm snapping at everyone because of my lack of ability to think, comprehend anything you name it I didn't know all this could happen with no sleep. So that little boy has some days ahead of him but a girl got to do what a girl got to do right? Besides I need me back...I need to get myself right to properly take care of everyone else. And he is very stubborn so I don't think this will go over easy at all, this kid is spoiled rotten so its all my fault and I'm going to fix it.

Get back to you soon on him!

Do I Fit In Any More?

Today I realized that I'm no longer in the "Link" with my family, as I'm sitting at the restaurant table with some of my family members I realize that everyone is talking but me. Their talking about the last couple of nights when they went out to a couple of bars & what happened at the last couple of family get togethers and I'm sitting there with absolutely nothing to say but this dum ass look on my face. So at this point I'm starting to wonder at what point did they forget about me & my family, I know I don't go to bars anymore but it would be nice if they was just ask me sometimes. I feel like since I have had my boys my family just don't consider me in anything anymore and now I feel like the only place I need to be is with my kids & wife. See the thing is I really don't go to all the family functions anymore because its sometimes not worth the hassle, like I have to do a lot to get me and the boys out of the house not to mention all the stuff I have to bring to accommodate the little one who is walking and is terror on wheels he don't stop for nothing. So anyway I have to weigh the options of if its beneficial for us to go or just a hassle. You see my wife works crazy hours not no more than 40 but the start time is odd times of the day which makes it hard for her to join us all the time and just about everything my family plans is times & days she can't come so that means I have to take our children. Sometimes I feel like maybe I cause this myself by not attending the family functions or is my family just not sensitive or understanding to my family situation. They look at it as been just two boys but picture this..... Ok we wake up to get dress for the event my 5 year old will get dress like he suppose to but my 1 year old he hates clothes and shoes and etc. So he FIGHTS, that's all done now its gathering his diaper bag for all the things he needs and carrying that heavy ass bag around, then once we finally get there I unload the kids out of our big ass truck carrying everything including my kids because the little one still walks real slow & can't do steps yet. No one helps to unload the kids of course we get in the house and they have glass everywhere like glass tables, figuring's everything glass & us moms knows that's just stuff waiting for a new beginner to knock over and pull down then there's steps and as you can see where this is going its like a marathon for me & I didn't even say what the oldest do so as you can see that's why I don't show up to a lot of family gatherings. So do you think that my family is inconsiderate and leaving me out of things or am I ostracizing myself? I feel like it is directed towards my boys as well and don't get me wrong my boys are'nt bad kids my oldest listen to other people better than he listen to us so thats not it just in case you were wondering, When I was with my mom & sister I was feeling like I'm sitting at a table of people whom don't know me & I don't know them.

Am I Hating or Jealous?

Sometimes I feel like my luck is so non in void that if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. Why I don't know because I'm as sweet as pie, addictive as candy, and giving of my time as the clock on the wall. Yeah I'm not perfect and I have my set back issues like being a mean ass at times not often but hey we all have those's days. So I don't understand why people around me who are shity people, user, poser, and leeches around your neck get so much praise and glory and LUCK. Me and my wife have been down a long journey together it seems like more than 11 years this year because we have fought for everything we have, our life has ben a very bumpy road for sure. On an average day we sometimes look at each other and ask that question why???? Why is everything we do is done the hard way, don't get me wrong I would spend my life traveling on a bumping road with someone who is honest,giving, caring very loving than someone whom today I know & Tomorrow I thought I knew. Like for instance a family member of ours is always getting free shit or close to nothing for items.... big shit like cars, homes, money you name just being thrown at them and here their attitude is so messed up. I mean such an ass whole to people lazy and for some reason they have luck, me and my girlfriend have a beautiful home we live in a suburban condo community we drive nice trucks our kids have everything that they need and on the outside looking in we look like we have it all and have no trouble getting it. But that's far from it we have worked really hard for everything we have it wasn't easy by a long shot.

Like our home I had to do some extensive research and ass smooching with the rental company for this I have a close friend who just wake up one morning got a call from a friend of a friend who needed someone to rent his beautiful 1200 square foot condo who rent is nothing. She just woke up and had a place she didn't even have to go looking filling out this an that she really wasn't even ready to move yet. HATE IT! Ok what about are nice truck ok we have a high as car note even thou we live in a really upscale community but that old thing called credit score got us...but that's ok right. A very close family member has a bankruptcy on their credit and got a brand new car with a car note that make mine look like a house note that's not their fault I'm just saying. HATE IT! Ok our children our always nice an clean well mannered and people love their polite disposition and we keep them in the nice clothes... we know someone who kids are always dirty the lazy ass mother who is to dam busy getting high and eating herself away instead of taking care of her kids but people give her kids all kind of shit her kids are bad very disrespectful and she never tell people thank you she just act like someone else should take care of them and people do and they seem to think she is a good mother and you have to just feel sorry for her so lets help the kids they say. BULL SHIT!

Ok I know I may sound like a haten ass bitch but dam! This is my way of saying what I feel without hurting someone feelings or getting into a unnecessary brawl. I know someone out there is going to say I'm jealous or what ever but I also know someone who has this same shit going on around them. I shouldn't even call it luck I don't really know what to call this kind of thing but it is driving us crazy...I'm not tying to get an award for being a good mother wife or good person nor am doing it for some payback but when your doing your all and u look across the way an see people absolutely doing nothing for themselves or their environment and still seems to prosper it is annoying.

BLASTING OFF