12/20/08

How Far Would You GoTo Make Sure Its Right?

Here's the thing, I know each and every women out there have asked themselves am I with the right person, I know I have several times and its usually when she has mad me mad. So do that even makes the question valid? And just how far do we take that question how far do we go to answer that age old question? I'm in a relationship because I cant call it much more than that legally well I believe we are committed in the same way as married heterosexual couples but please...don't start writing me about the word marriage I'm certainly not trying to take anything from anyone or their constitution I just want my love to be equal. But that's not the topic today....today we are going in 11 years in being together and by far that's a long time to be with anyone but especially in a lesbian relationship because as women we are so hormonal about everything so imagine that doubled.
Wow! What a ride we have had since we met at 23 years of age well she was 22 going on 23 and totally the opposite of what I was use to dating, she was really slim OK kind of skinny for my taste...... I dated all women all races but sexually I was only with black women. She was my first Caucasian women that I sexual hooked up with. And I must say we went off like the 4Th of July fireworks with a Hugh bang******** we couldn't stand being apart we threw everyone away we put everything down to be with each other it was like some kind of magic. After 11 years almost your probably saying well I know its not like that now, of course not but I can honestly say I still cant wait for her off days to spend all my time with her and she still gets excited like the first time when I touch her:) But then there's those times when we just get on each other nerves and with the kids I feel things piling up on me. And that's when that question pops in mind... "Am I with the person I should be with"? There's a few friends of mines who sat down and gave me there reasons to the question but I still don't know how far other women are really welling to answer that question.
Just at what point is that question the meaning of everything when I say that I mean for instant my wife as I call her can really get under my skin there's time when I feel like the work I have to put in for this relationship is to much. But is that when you start to think of the things or reason or ways to answer that question.... like do you or do I believe that maybe some where else the grass is greener on the other side. And once you start to think that how far am I or you welling to go to see.... like do you start to look at other men/women with a different look a look of I'm available. Or how about when you should be on the Internet paying bills or what ever your kinda looking at chat rooms or profile websites... Just to see whats out there. So now that you've stuck your feet in the water do you now start to secretly call him/her secretly plan dates * meetings with each other. How far is to far for you!!!! Well if you want me to answer this question this is what I do when it pops into my head, I start to think about what would happen if she found out, if I hurt her like I have been hurt before you know where its so deep in your stomach your back bone kinda hurt... what about the effect on our children, family & friends. I start to way all the good with the ugly and I ask myself is it worth losing all that Ive worked for... and yes ladies you have to work on anything in life that's worth keeping. I look at her and say after I way everything in and say YES. If you listen to your mind it well always tell you the right thing first because truly in our hearts we know when its time to call it quits, some of us stick around a little to long but the signs are there. So don't be shy tell me how far is to far for you tell me when you believe its Really time to stop asking that question and start finding the answer.

See ya soon

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